This is a tough issue to deal with
MARRIAGE
When it comes to a man and a woman there will be times we have to let go of pride and allow the other side to be “right”. Pride can not stand in a marriage. If it is permitted to live in the heart of either one, the marriage will falter.
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How do you teach your children that marriage is a lifetime commitment?
Mawwaige! Mawwaige! Mawwaige! A famous line from the movie “The Princess Bride”. This scene depicted a wedding officiated by a Priest with a speech impediment. As funny as this scene is, it is far from the truth of what marriage is really about. However, It’s a funny headline for a lifetime event…
It is interesting to see how marriage is interpreted in the lives of people. Some couples take the time to really work on what they have as a family, fighting against the most difficult situations and succeeding. Then there are others who work on their marriage, alone. This can be very difficult and eventually results in divorce, when only one is willing to make the marriage work. Initially, people may come together as husband and wife attracted to one another. She looks good, he looks good, they have similar interest and are compatible. But how does a couple move beyond the frills and the thrills to develop a lifelong commitment to one another? How does a couple build a solid foundation with the sense of “unity”? When there is no substance, foundation of a solid relationship to stand on, that relationship could be headed for disaster, just like the Titanic.
Having been married for 25+ years, I will never consider myself an expert, but I may have a few words of wisdom to offer those who are willing to listen. What my husband and I have done to maintain our marriage may not be what you may or may not choose to do. What I offer is an example of what we have done to maintain our relationship as husband and wife and how we have set an example for our children to hopefully follow.
COMMITMENT
Marriage is commitment. This is as simple as it gets. It is the type of commitment that requires every morning that you awaken, you have to decide am I in it to win it? It takes a positive attitude, commitment and even compromise to “win” at being married. It is not a 50/50 lifestyle. It is 100/100 by both parties. If you are not willing to give your all to each other to make the relationship work, then it will not work. My husband and I decided a long time ago that we would not talk about the “D” word. Not amongst ourselves, and certainly not with others. The bible tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church. (See Ephesians 5:25). We as wives are instructed to submit to our husbands (Ephesians 5:22). We share in the responsibilities of our household as a family. We have raised our children, taken care of our home and continued to love each other, unconditionally.
We have set the example for our children to follow because we follow Jesus Christ. Early on, we knew this relationship could not work if we did not have Christ in our lives. He is the example we have given all of our kids to follow. We have made mistakes, fallen on our faces, but we have chosen to set the example by apologizing and asking forgiveness, being patient, kind and loving. Our kids know that we are not perfect, but they also know that we love the Lord and try our best to sent a Godly example of what a marriage should be like.
Remember in Exodus 20, God gave commandments for the Israelites, which also represents the “church or bride”, to follow, they were His chosen people, however, they still sinned. However, he continued to love them regardless, of all the things they’d done against him. He delivered them out of the hand of the enemy, provided food, clothing and love for his Bride.
NO PRIDE HERE
When it comes to a man and a woman there will be times we have to let go of pride and allow the other side to be “right”. Pride can not stand in a marriage. If it is permitted to live in the heart of either one, the marriage will falter. On a personal note, my husband and I like to watch movies, but he will let me watch what I like whether he likes it or not. You see, we choose to work together and not against each other. Working together as a team has not always been easy especially when we were first married. Money was a big issue! I had my account and he had his. The day came when bills had to be paid. So, I figured he would do whatever he did with his money and I would take care of my bills. He suggested we have a joint account so we could pay the bills out of one account. I really thought he had lost his mind! I had just got my credit together and I did not want “my” stuff messed up. This argument did not last long, because the Holy Spirit made a swift correction in my heart regarding our finances. It was simple…You are not single; you are married and you two are one. That was the gist of the conversation between the Holy Spirit and myself. Well, to say I joyfully opened a joint account, is an understatement.
COMMUNICATION
Now, let it be known, my husband and I have not always communicated effectively. There were times where we did not speak to each other for some time. Our goal from the very beginning was not to go to bed angry. Our kids did not see us have intense fellowship. Maybe every once in a while, we would not talk to one another, but those times did not last long. It was important for our children to know that we were willing to work together for the sake of each other and for the sake of the entire family. Not speaking to each other, gets tiresome really quickly. Talking out the problem is very important in any relationship, but especially as a married couple. It provides openness and a willingness to help each other grow, develop and mature, not only as an individual but also as a couple.
LOVE
Love is a deep and binding thing. Some may call it an emotion, feeling, or commitment. It goes beyond words to express the friendship that is developed between two people, especially when Christ is first. We, my husband and I have forgiven each other for the most awful acts against each other. We have been through devastating trials when I miscarried our children. We clung to Christ, and we clung to each other for support and strength. We depended on each other when no one else understood our shame, grief and pain. By Faith we depended on God to pull us through and to keep our heads lifted high enough so we could see Him even in the roughest of storms. We laugh together at some of the dumbest things, but it makes him happy to see me smile. I love to hear him pray in the morning as he is getting ready to start his day. For us, it has become the simple and silly things that make our marriage.
The Lord loved us first, because He is love. He sent someone to love me, to show me how much He loved me even when I did not love myself. I could not successfully give love until I learned to love myself. Love requires both, husband and wife to be unselfish, forgiving and committed. There is so much more that I could share concerning marriage, but this is a good start.
Be a blessing to your children by providing a solid foundation in Christ Jesus, and in the Word of God. This is the ultimate life lesson that I have given all my children.
MAWRRAIGE! MAWRRAIGE! MAWRRAIGE!
DS
Davina Stallworth
Author: Shift! From fear to Faith!
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