Have you ever been in your feelings? I have certainly had days of being in my feelings. Don’t judge me! I have a right to be in my feelings, if I choose to be. Guess what? You have a right to be in your feelings, too, if that is what you choose. We cannot run away from our feelings. We, as humans, come complete with feelings. Yes, feelings are part of the package. We have good feelings and bad feelings. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to have more good feelings than bad feelings. Truthfully and thankfully, I do have more positive feelings than negative feelings. Hopefully, you do too.
I want you to know that it is absolutely okay to be in your feelings. Please note, however, that it is absolutely not okay to stay in your feelings. Staying in your feelings keeps you stuck or bogged down. Are you in your feelings right now? Let me guide you through this moment of being in your feelings. Stay right there for a moment. Sit still and allow yourself to experience the feelings right now. Voila! You have arrived, and you are fully fledged in your feelings at this moment.
Stay right there. Ask yourself these questions:
1. What is it that I feel? – This is an important question. You need to identify the feelings. In order to validate your feelings, you need to be able to put a name to what you are feeling.
2. Who causes me to feel this way? – Finding the answer to this question helps you to pinpoint that person or thing that troubles you and makes you feel this way. When you are able to pinpoint that person or thing, you are better able to come up with a plan to either manage it or avoid it altogether.
3. When did I start to feel this way? – It is most helpful to know when you started to feel this way, as it gives you a better understanding of the feelings. This question also allows you to identify the antecedent of the feelings.
4. Where did the feelings come from? – Asking this question helps to discover the root of the problem. Identifying the root of the problem is beneficial in helping you work to find the appropriate resolution.
5. Why am I having these feelings? – This question brings you to the discovery phase. Because you have identified the root issue or problem, you can now begin to explore and process the feelings related to it.
Let’s review. It is okay to be in your feelings. It is not okay to stay in your feelings for too long. Lingering in your feelings keeps you stuck or weighs you down. Asking yourself the 5 W’s helps to bring total awareness and understanding of your feelings. When you have awareness and understanding of your feelings, you are better able to manage them.
The next time you find yourself in your feelings, remember the following:
- Bring awareness to your feelings.
- Acknowledge what you are feeling at that moment.
- Realize you are a human and you are subject to feelings.
- Extend grace to yourself.
- Recuperate and keep moving forward.
Life is too short to stay stuck in your feelings. It really is not about what you feel; rather it is more about how you respond to the feelings. If you find that you are having more negative feelings than good feelings or that you respond inappropriately to the feelings, seek professional help from a Mental Health Therapist. Sometimes being able to talk freely about your feelings without fear of judgment can make a big difference in your life. Always know that you can talk to the Father in Heaven for He can help us with whatever we may be feeling.
Isaiah 41:10: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Marriage & Family Therapist